Tig-sulat pud baya ko…

What can I say? Sorry.

I am pained to know you are bearing the same pain I have now.  It hurts me even more to realize what I am made of.  Sorry. Sorry for having to drag you into this dwelling of uncertainty and compromise.  Sorry for letting you hold on when slowly I am letting go. Sorry for sweet nothings that are relegated to purely nothings–meaningless now that I am in this torn state.  Sorry for all the times I have to disturb your slumber just because I need to talk to someone–selfish the reason, indeed.  I am sorry.

What else? Thank you.

Thank you for being there–your simply being there means a lot.  I don’t know why I am becoming like this now.  This is the part of me that I have yet to know and understand.  I know it is hard for you but you understood.  Thank you for standing by me.  I never thought you’d never let me go, even though you have the right to.  I am slipping, yes I am, but thank you for being strong enough to keep me sane.  You’ve seen me at my lowest but you have never forsaken me.  You have seen the unmasked Ernest and yet, you did not change in how you treated me.  Thanks for remaining the same. I thought you would be the one leaving the bus, but then I realized I was the one who got off.  Thanks for trailing behind.  Thanks for going through the rough with me.  I don’t know where will life’s road lead me but thank you for sticking by me.  I know that when this journey shall end, you are one of the reasons why I endured it.  Thanks for sharing life’s highs and downs with me.

What more? I love you.

I thank God for bringing you into my life. You’ve shown me love of a different kind. I hope I can share the same. It may not surpass your love but at least, I hope I can equal it.  We can’t promise to be there for each other forever, all right, but we can love each other for always.  I know now why it’s difficult for you to believe it every time I uttered, I love you.  But I hope meeting the monster in me would make you feel that struggle I have every time I blurt it out. Sans the romance and flare, let me say, I LOVE YOU for real.

I am bared now.  Believe that I meant everything.  Sorry. Thank you. I love you.

Assasination is a skill that calls for creativity. For the twisted, it is something that’s more like an ode to palatability. Here are three delicious ways to "assasinate" a CRAB. 

-uno-

Crabmeat Au Gratin

1 stalk celery (chopped)

1 onion (chopped)

1/4 lb. margarine

1/2 cup flour

1 can evaporated milk (13oz)

2 egg yolks (broken and stirred)

1 tsp. salt

1/2 tsp. cayenne pepper

1 lb. crabmeat

1/2 cup grated cheese

Sauté onion and celery in margarine until tender.  Add flour, slowly add evaporated milk.  Cook until thickened.  Add salt, pepper, and egg yolks. Stir well. Add crabmeat, stir. Pour into casserole dish, top with cheese and bake at 325 degreesfor 25 minutes.  Serves 4-6 moderately hungry adults.

Note:  One pound of shrimp may also be added if desired.  Sauté pealed shrimp with onions and celery until shrimp is nearly done. (Baking later will complete cooking of the shrimp.)  All other directions remain unchanged.

-dos-

Steamed Crabs

2 dozen live, hard shell blue crabs

3 cups vinegar

3 cups water or beer

1 cup

Old

Bay

seasoning

Use a steamer or a large pot with a rack and a tight-fitting lid.  Pour vinegar and water or beer into steamer and bring to a boil.  Add crabs, a few at a time, and sprinkle each layer with seasoning.  Steam 25 to 30 minutes. 

-tres-

Crab Quiche

pastry for 9" pie

1 lb. crabmeat

2 T. chopped parsley

2 T. dry white wine -or- 2 T. dry vermouth

salt and pepper to taste

4 eggs, slightly beaten

1 1/2 cup milk

cayenne pepper to taste

1 egg white

paprika to taste

Line bottom on pie pan, cover and refrigerate 1 hour. Preheat oven to 450. Mix crab with parsley, wine or vermouth, salt and pepper. In separate bowl, combine eggs, milk and cayenne pepper. Brush pastry with egg white, fill with crab mixture. Pour egg mixture on top. Sprinkle with paprika and bake 10 minutes. Reduce heat to 350; bake 40 minutes longer or until set. Quiche is done when a knife inserted in the center comes out clean. 

If you think you don’t like the suggested recipes, you always have a choice. 

Basta, gisahin na kung gisahin…

So how do I call this list? CRAB List? The official list of CAUSEtaceans? Decapodan Roll? Hmmmmm…..  Thanks to the brilliance of the Utzu kids, I have here the ultimate “Visioncast to Stardome.”

1. Ernest Dale ACRAB

>> (I was called names before: Airy-nest Dale, HP <read: His Prominence>, but I liked this one better).  This is the person I have always loved.  I was the one who gave him a real good pressure to work long, long hours.  I was the one who made him a nocturnal creature, an insomniac. I was the one who made him addicted to classical music or Mattie J.T. Stepanek. I caused his body to shrink to a mere 26” waistline and enrolled him to the paper weight division (fifty pounds flat). Every time I look at him makes me feel the pity for his emaciated countenance. But I was able to transfer my optimism to him and assured him he’s still cool with me. J

2. Elizabeth CRABla Aguilan

>>  I have to get married before 40 years old (or was that 35?) so I won’t be living a life in torture with this lady.  She works for an ultimate archenemy multinational but she still has the gut to make a driver out of me. Hehe.  We both took IT as a discipline in college.  We both took oaths to corporate slavery.  We both handle key customers/accounts.  We both could have been recognised champions for the environment.  Hehe.

3. CRABabes Utzu

>>  So she’s a dog, too? [1] Well, beware.  She’s my older sister since the time I was adopted by the Utzu’s.  She and JoAts helped me in coining names for the extend CAUSEtacean family.  We had great Knorr Your Future moments at Gypsy’s.  I have always enjoyed our CENTROP nights together (hehe, sounds so intimate).  Well, when you combine crab and dog qualities, you get a good swimmer.

4. Stacy DaniCRAB Alcantara

>> When I look at Staki, I remember Rachel Leigh Cook’s total transformation “She’s All That” that Ambush Makeover can’t even beat. Hehe. She’s the beauty-and-brain type. Great writer. Great debater. Great beauty titlist. Simply great.  And she even invited me to her debut. Hehe.

5. Terrence CRABton Callao

>> Ternz! If I was the airy one he was the arrogant counterpart. Hehe.  He’s a giant, if that’s a good analogy for greatness.  It is always great to know this guy and I don’t think I should divulge what he has accomplished ‘cause almost everyone knows about all of it.  El Presidente never fails to amaze me.

6. LyCRAB Flores

>> The incumbent VP that has always remained on the ground.  I am humbled every time I am around this fine and fire lady because despite her Vishnu-ish status, she gets to be around friends and colleagues without showing a braggart’s arse.  She’s the keep-your-cool type even if she’s busied by her responsibilities add to that the pressure in pursuing academic excellence.

7. Annie Rose CRABine

>> I also call her the finger girl. Hahahaha! Even if she is loved by the earth (read: a kin to CRABpov Buss in stature), she never fails to amazes one with how she fights for what she believes to be right.  She is indeed a fighter but even if grabe na ang bakbakan, she is able to maintain her poise. Truly, she’s an epitome of grace under pressure. J

8. Andres CRABaño

>> Apilon taka diri, bro. Hehehehe.  Cryptic ni sya but he’s a cool friend. He’s an achiever of sorts and an amiable host.  He rides on Britney.  What more? Engineer na, bankero pa! 

9. Edwin CRABdren Refugio

>> He’s don a new haircut lately.  He travels weekly to Dipolog to take part in the city council meeting.  And yet, he’s able to maintain high scholastic records…plus more. He’s calm like Lake Balinsasayaw. Ika nga, silent waters run deep. J

Of course, swak talaga ‘to:

10. CRABpov Buss

>>Povi! Hehe…Karpov had it all—college boy, prexy, dormer, grad stud, HS instructor, dorm manager, BOT stud rep, Physics prof, sa’n ka pa! J Maliit man, nakakapuwing din. J

There’s more to add.  More CRABS to come…

Disclaimer:  For those who would want to be included in the list, think how you can make your name as crabby as possible. We will offer assistance if lisud gyud. Send me a message or post a comment and we’ll update this blog article from time to time. However, only those who have proven themselves CRABdible enough will be inducted into this elite list. Ooops, basun naay ‘wrong grammar’ ha? To err is human, to err-nest is divine, hehehe…J  J  J 

ernestdalemagahinacar

_________________________________

For some reason, I have this strong penchant to write about these adorable and amazing decapod crustaceans. I don’t know why the sudden affinity but, heck, reasons should not be the reader’s concern. I would rather let the reader read on…

This proposal goes beyond the sumptuous serve of such succulent victuals. This is an invite for the reader to understand crabs, to feel for crabs, to love crabs. This is a bid to change the paradigm of how we relegated such Brachyurans to analogize our ruthless behaviour of pulling other people down in our desire to succeed.

The reader then can really understand these creatures if and only if he or she has keenly studied crabs.

Fast Facts:

Crabs are generally covered with a thick exoskeleton, and are armed with a single pair of chelae (claws). Crabs are usually found in oceans but they are also found in freshwater and the tropical terrestrial regions.

Crabs make up 20% of all marine crustaceans caught and farmed worldwide, with over 1½ million tonnes being consumed annually. Of that total, one species accounts for one fifth: Portunus trituberculatus. Other important taxa include Portunus pelagicus, several species in the genus Chionoecetes, the blue crab (Callinectes sapidus), Charybdis spp., Cancer pagurus, the Dungeness crab (Cancer magister) and Scylla serrata, each of which provides more than 20,000 tonnes annually. [1]

But anyway, the reader may skip the fast facts portion so here’s the (CRAB) meat.

We have long been entangled in the idea that the so-called “crab mentality” is about pulling others down for one to have a foretaste of success. Why then are we trapped in that idea?  This idea is actually based on an actual observation where crabs tend to pull down those on top when attempting to get out of a hole.

But I think the observation time was not enough when the “crab mentality” tag was coined.  When one observes longer, one would realize that almost all of the crabs are able to get out of the hole.  The crabs at the bottom are actually pushing up those at the top! Isn’t that amazing?

Crab mentality is about teamwork, a work strategy that has been considered of prime importance in almost all organizations these days. Being a team player is a competency sought after by companies from a newbie, you see.  Consider the group of crabs trying their best for everyone to get out of the hole—that’s a team, that’s teamwork.

Crab mentality is about finding a venue to be of benefit to others. John Maxwell defined success as having a purpose, knowing your potentials, and seeking to be a benefit to others. Typical of how crabs do it.  They have the end in mind: to get of the hole. They know their potentials: they have claws and they strut sideways. They become a benefit to others: they push up those on top.

So you see, being tagged a crab is not bad after all.

I am a “crab,” and I am proud of it.

I am black, I am white
I am all skins in between
I am young, I am old
I am each age that has been
I am scrawny, I am well fed
I am starving for attention
I am famous, I am cryptic
I am hardly worth the mention
I am short, I am height
I am any frame or stature
I am smart, I am challenged
I am striving for a future
The color of sky
Is blues and grays
The color of earth
Is greens and browns
The color of hope
Is rainbows and purple
And the color of peace
Is people together
Shades of life
People together
Shades of life
I am
I am able, I am weak
I am some strength, I am none
I am being, I am thought
I am all things, said and done
I am born, I am died
I am dust of humble roots
I am grace, I am pain
I am labor of willed fruits
I am slave, I am free
I am bonded to my life
I am rich, I am poor
I am wealth—
The color of sky
Is blues and grays
The color of earth
Is greens and browns
The color of hope
Is rainbows and purple
And the color of peace
Is people together
Shades of life
People together
Shades of life
I am
I am shadow, I am glory
I am hiding from my shame
I am hero, I am loser
I am yearning for a name
I am empty, I am proud
I am seeking my tomorrow
I am growing, I am fading
I am hope amid the sorrow
I am certain, I am doubtful
I am desperate for solutions
I am leader, I am student
I am fate and evolutions
I am spirit, I am voice
I am memory, not recalled
I am chance, I am cause
I am effort, blocked and walled
I am hymn, I am heard
I am reasoned without rhymes
I am past, I am nearing
I am present in all times
I am many, I am no one
I am seasoned by each being
I am me, I am you
I am all-souls now decreeing
The color of sky
Is blues and grays
The colour of earth
Is greens and browns
The color of hope
Is rainbows and purple
And the color of peace
Is people together
Shades of life
People together
Shades of life
I am

Interpreted by Billy Gilman << http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mM3fI6lnzhY

ernestdalemagahinacar

___________

It was the swooning of a troubadour that brought romance to that wedding night.  Everyone saw the sparkle in each other’s eyes as the couple swayed to the music.  Everyone felt the love both shared as the song filled the hall.  Everyone but the singer.

This will come to pass, he thought.  It’s a repetitive cycle already—a routine perhaps.  Sought.  Admired. Judged.  Paid.  Forgotten.

He is considered a must-have in a couple’s momentous event.  Hah! Momentous crap, he’d say. No one bought it in a different light.  You spend so much with heaven as the end in mind only to endure a lifetime of hell!  His thoughts are only his.  And his music speaks otherwise.  He is used to it. His performance is purely for show but it looked real…it sounded so, too.  But it was only for show.  It was only for an audience who came to admire and score.  It was only for the couple who felt inadequate to express what they really feel without the expert around.  It was for the principle that you perform according to how you are paid. 

Nothing special.

Nothing grandiose.

Just plain routine.

Sought.  Admired. Judged.  Paid.  Forgotten.

He never felt his songs.  He chose not to.  He has loved before but chose to let that drown in oblivion. Years buried that feeling and disposition and what is left with him is the meaningless croon.

Many considered him because of his vox. Discount that from him and who else would lend a second look. He is a piece of crap after they’d withdraw from him the only reason why he is still intact—music. He is dispensable.

Then perhaps by mere inquisitiveness, someone took a chance to know the man behind the music that made the world drool with love. Hmmm, a soon-to-be die-hard fan, he mused sardonically. But it went more than autograph signing and photo-shoot with a phone camera.  It went farther than just exchanging numbers and hellos.  It seemed not to end with goodbyes.

Suddenly, like a giant tickled to awakening, he felt it.  It wasn’t Cupid’s fault to have misguided arrows. It wasn’t fate or serendipity toying on life.  It was just natural—spiritual even. 

They shared “slum book” details. They shared life stories. They shared what they can for each other.  Perhaps the singer has finally found meaning in his music.  At every performance, his belting now revealed truth and sincerity.  Now that’s out of the routine.  It seemed like the story has changed its course.

But then, as there is no perfection in every romance, the fateful day came when they had to bid goodbye. The singer felt the sudden drop from the amorous heights.  That person came, conquered, and left him with spoils. He thought it would last forever like his songs promised. He thought it was for always like the poetry in each song.  He thought it was a melody of love and passion at every interlude.

But, nay, it was just a one-night stand.  A whirlwind romance. A childish obsession. 

Nothing special.

Nothing grandiose.

Just plain routine.

Sought. Admired. Judged.  Paid.  Forgotten.

But maybe, just maybe, in order for one to realize how human he is, one has to learn the balance of feeling and un-feeling. At least, if for consolation’s sake, he felt romance for once. And since this is not whirlwind romance with “happily ever after” endings, their story ends with so-so—getting back to their “normal” life.

There he goes back to being the same person he used to be—being at his best performance as a singer and as a pretender. He still sees in his audience the person he loved, but then, he chose to let the feeling die honourably—making that romantic event something to look back as a part of history.

Pity now the singer. He still keeps every wedding a day to remember. He still wows the audience for his unparalleled vocal gymnastics.  He still serenades couples who are thankful for adding melodious colour to their blissful moment.

But, he still hopes that one day, he’d feel the meaning of his songs again.

Whew! Reencoding from hard-copy is soooo hard.

___________

Virgie’s napoleones. San’s Rival’s sans rival. Calea’s chocolate cake. Caesar’s salad sa KFC.  Selecta Creations Avocado. Banana Q sa atbang sa Harold’s.  Sweet Green’s dinuguan with puto.  Chicken Haus’ chicken bbq.  Linugaw ug cassava pudding sa Quan.  Cheese bread sa SU Cafeteria. Bukayo nga hinimo sa akong lolo.  Mani ni Auntie Maya, katong sugar-coated.  Cathedral ni Mommy Utz. Jellyace.  Candy Corner’s apple strips. Buko pie sa Dumaguete.  Cowrie Cove—bisag unsa. Pomelo, katung orig sa Davao. Jo’s tapioca. Da Vinci’s garlic and cheese. Calamansi slush sa Qyosko. Mc Jelly trio.  Bavarian-filled donuts sa Mister Donut ug Dunkin.  Nene’s halo-halo sa Bais.  Monggos with gata with pork sa bisag asa na carenderia.  Hunt’s pork and beans. Buko-halo sa Forest Camp.  Fruit salad ni Tita Lydz.  Malunggay with chicken and papaya. Ice Candy ni Ma’am Silva–avocado flavor. Bread sa bisag-asa na bakery.  Caramel frap sa bisag asa na coffee house–Bob’s, Bo’s, Starbucks. Spaghetti ni Nanay. Lucky Me pancit canton nga chili-mansi.  Hawaiian pizza sa Pizza Hut.  Yema sa akong classmate na si Armely atong Grade IV pa ko, tag-50 cents ra. Kuppa tisanes. Corn and garlic and egg soup of sorts ni Tatay.  Calamares sa Hayahay.  Pepe’s fish with pesto. Krua Thai–tanan. Mulach’s ensaymada, ube flavor. Bibingka sa Manjuyod.  Cuchinta ni Ma’am Romano. Dencio’s boneless bangus. Manang Siony’s tocino. Mr. Chips. Leche flan ni Pastor Remy. Laswa ni Tiyay Ate sa BBTI dorm. Cadbury chocolates.

_____

That’s my consumption base.  I still wonder why I have a 27" waistline…